Never felt more ordinary in my life

Before I even begin writing this, there was this thought that this piece would serve more like a self check on hitting my mid-thirties. A point in life where you stand still, turn back and look at what has happened so far in life.

There was also thought that how ordinary and uninteresting this piece is going to be. Though I often remind myself this needs to be written even if it read by no one else except myself. Not in a narcissistic way but more really just want to have something to reference to when I come back to this piece again in 10 years time. 10 years is quite a while and a good mile stone to again look back at things.



So. This year I am 35. I am no longer a young adult but an slightly balding asian male (growing tummy) still with several insecurities in mind I learnt some stuff along the way. Even managed to travel the one country I dreamed of traveling and that country is Japan. I even brought my folding bicycle there and cycled 77KM through the Shimanami Kaido route.

Even with that, I never felt more ordinary in my life. This year I am slightly struggling with my finances for my family. There were thoughts of getting a 2 room HDB flat cause you know I am at the age to do so. It is one of those things that can actually generate income.

I look at back at my early thirties and late twenties. I can only say that I was in severe depression then. It is probably good to say this and be honest with myself. At that time, I have serious thoughts of offing myself. I was fighting depression and I felt like I was slowly losing it.

Eventually I quit my job and went for a long time without working. I couldn't bring myself to work or find a job. It was at that time I realize how burnt out I was. The stress of working broke me down more than I realize. The whole ordeal taught me a good lesson on balance. You know. The current taboo phrase in Singapore called "Work Life Balance".

I personally wonder how many more will lose it in Singapore. It is sad to even think about it.

Now in my chair in front of my computer, sipping water from my steel mug. The thought of being ordinary keeps coming to my head. It is probably the realization of several things in life that is often beyond your control and also the realization that you don't live forever therefor one would really spend more time trying to finish up things he/she wants to do.

Also the thought that none of my problems are unique in any sense. It gives me the wisdom that there is someone out there who faces the same problems before and solved them. How about unique problems? Well we learn by mistakes. So the only way to know if it is correct is to choose the better option for now. Note I said better not best cause it is often impossible to know if it is the best option until after.

With all this said, I can say I don't feel any better or worse being ordinary. It might just be the best thing in the world for me currently.